… keep in mind the diverse backgrounds and ages of my fellow “Peace Fellows” …
So this morning, one of my classmates “disappeared’ within the first minute of this video being played. When she didn’t return for some time, I became concerned and left the class only to follow the sound of soft sobs … Holding a tear-saturated, crumpled tissue, while standing in the open patio of the second floor of our Center, she began to tell me about feelings that had resurfaced from three decades ago. Hearing those three simple words – Tell Me Why – the same words that she would tirelessly reiterate as an imperative sentence to her government officials (who were implementing harsh control over student rallies) provoked unexpected emotions. She explained that many friends became, “victims of enforced disappearances,” as she called them, as well as victims of torture and victims to “murder.” With tears streaming down her porcelain-like skin and in between sobs, she painfully expressed how much she missed her friends – those who were murdered, those who disappeared. This, surely, was a fraction of what she experienced as a clever, sharp and intelligent student activist who was actually thrown in jail with other student activists who were participating in anti-government rallies throughout the years preceding the implementation of Martial Law.
Short story: During this time period (thirty years ago), one of her former classmates and dear friends – who was a very intelligent person, exhibiting exceptional leadership qualities – , at the age of 28, was killed. Officials from her country in southeast Asia felt he would be a threat to the government …. They resolved the matter by not only beheading him (a common way of killing someone even today), but by actually delivering his head to the president at the time on a silver platter.
Seeing my friend sob was difficult because I, in no way shape or form, could comfort her. I also couldn’t empathize with her on any front, except to tell her that she needed to cry as she was re-visiting a deep part of her past as a mature woman – not as the young grad student that she was thirty years ago. She referred to that dark period in her youth as “living on the streets” for 16 years, fighting for justice along with her entire family.
Since then, she has become a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a leading political-civic figure, a link to the business sector, a Peace Fellow – many things. There’s a lot to be said for that, but getting on (what I call) the “hamster wheel of life” also allows one (anyone) to tuck away those feelings – unintentionally, of course. So, when you’re unexpectedly confronted with them and have a different lens to look through (due to life’s experiences and the passing of “time”), the intensity and outpouring of feelings of regret, anger, deep sadness, etc. and more importantly, the fact that those words (Tell Me Why) are still not answered as the imperative statement that she intended is disconcerting. Her uncontrollable emotions this morning were from hearing those words, through the video, and reiterating them herself as an interrogative statement. She’ll never know why, never forget her friends, never understand – EVER! (sigh) … the injustice...
As my friend and I were chatting in the open patio area, the cleaning lady, Noi, (who enthusiastically greets each fellow with a smile or a wave because she knows a few words in English) got emotional from seeing my friend sob. When I saw her in passing an hour later, she looked at me, pulled out her cloth handkerchief and said, “cry … same-same.” Of course, I gave her a hug. Her tiny frame disappeared in my compassionate embrace … Experiences like this reaffirm that we DO all cry, laugh, smile, and wave in the same language, so why, “tell me why” do we treat each other with such cruelty?(I’d like to preface my concluding thoughts by apologizing for my frustrating tone). The violent behavior that my friend experienced is not seen as much in the U.S., but Americans should be aware that it does happen in other parts of the world. (FYI: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8349771.stm ) If you can’t do something directly to improve a tragic situation, then at least tell others about what is going on in other areas on our Mother Earth. After all, we live in a globalized world! More importantly, you should appreciate what you have, do not complain (I, certainly, don’t want to hear it), share (many have forgotten this concept that was – hopefully – taught to us in kindergarten), and open up your heart (everyone has one and it does more than keep you alive)!
